I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
