Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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