the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
