I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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