for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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