so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
