i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
