Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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