wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
