Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
3pm strippers are depressing
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
