please come you make the beer taste better
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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