At least make sure they are 18
Why
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
