i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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