im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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