i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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