I bet he comes in French.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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