The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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