I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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