Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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