my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
