worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It's like God shit irony all over that family
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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