onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The air was thick with penises
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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