Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
