So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
