If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
