My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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