I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
