Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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