Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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