so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
