She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
