i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
