I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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