but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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