I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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