If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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