you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
