Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
