Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
