You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
