my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
