Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
