I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
