Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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