And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
