i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
