She announced her abortion via fbk
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
