But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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