he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
