I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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