dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
