So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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