I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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