Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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