Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
worst night to have a conscience
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
