Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
