franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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