New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
