walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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