see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
