ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize