Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
