I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
