I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
