I'd wear matching sweaters with you
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
