I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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