One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
