I'm lost and stupid without you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
