Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
