my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
