this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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