I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
