was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
