worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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