Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
