How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
