Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
