morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
