Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She is in my trunk
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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