I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
