I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
