Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
