My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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