Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
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