After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
