I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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