to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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