Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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