pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
