You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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